When I was little I wanted to be a boy. Because boys could kiss girls. They could hold thier hands at recess. And even though I didn’t know you yet I wanted to hold your hand. Twirl my finger thru your curls and whisper your beautiful. Make eyes in the back of the class room. Pass notes like the other little girls do, but if I were a boy It wouldn’t have to be a secret that I loved you.
I may be just a girl but baby you amaze me. You take away my breath with every glance that you grace me, got me down on my knees baby I’m just dying to please. And I’ll give you everything I got I’ll work to find your spots. Cuz you deserve to have your world rocked. Your beauty takes my breath away but when you speak I think my heart stops. Your conscioussness is not an accident you’ve overcome the worst to find the truths that aren’t obvious. I recognize your experience I too have been lost in the wilderness. Held down by abuse fed lies of obedience. I worship your resilience your refusal to be silent. Together our voice can reach the roar Of a lion.
This isn’t a game our combined femininity can be the strength that it takes to get us out of this place this broken emotional space.
I may not have the muscles to carry you everywhere but baby girl I’d follow your conscious mind anywhere, wash your feet with my whole self when we get there.
I may just be another girl but when I see you in the bar I’m not Trynna kiss u to make his hard dick hard. I’m just Trynna make you see the stars. Your Lips are heavenly coated with femininity soft as your natural hair flowin freely I know it’s dark but I hope you can see me starring at your body hopin you won’t leave me. Not until I get a taste not until I feel your gentle embrace. Let me lay you down I’m just a girl but baby Your a queen without a crown. Your spirit and strength have turned my world around.
You don’t need me to show you that your worth more than the world offers you. Just erase all the lies they’ve told you, forget the doors shut in your face and all the attempts to dull you. Despite all the hate your light still shines through. All you need is a mirror to see the sparkle that I do.
With these hands lips and tongue I will worship your body Until I drown in the moans that echo so softly. Reminding me that soft vulnerability can be power. With no man in the room We will be free to devour, each other for the sake of our own pleasure. Soft lips passionate kiss girl your feminine soul is bliss…

I am in a better place than I have been in almost a year. I feel good. I am optimistic. I feel like my old self. But STRONGER…. My old self except with different jobs. Different Friends. Different Goals. More Patients. Less energy for all the Late Night Decisions and Early Morning Dramas. A new found ability to HUSTLE. To get what I need. AND What I want. It feels like I am waking up out of a bad dream. Pulling the hazy pieces of my memory back together. Each one leaving a bad taste in my mouth reminding me of anxious moments without letting me in on the details. I remember destruction, somehow I know that I caused it, but I cant seem to remember how. My old life was taken from me, yet I can not be the victim, because I took it. It all Started with one panic attack. Then Lying on my Back during Yoga class realizing how peaceful life would be if I were dead. Then tears. Then Fights. Alienation. Panic. Depression. Then Nothing. I want that to be behind me now. I am ready to start my life again. I have started living again. But everything in my life is so new. I am having trouble getting used to it. Nothing carried over from before all this happened. Nothing is Familiar. Where the fuck did everyone go? Was my year of depression and anxiety really that hard to handle for everyone else? Did i push everyone away? I woke up to rumors gossip and hatred. I wish I could explain things. Im not complaining, I enjoy what is going on in my life. I just wish I UNDERSTOOD What The Fuck Happened. How did I turn into the enemy? Maybe it wasnt me, maybe I became an easy target for the power hungry drama craved pack that I called family. Or maybe they are not power hungry or drama craved, maybe everything is all in my head. Maybe no one stares at me uneasily when I walk in rooms I once called home. Maybe my crew of wild dykes just went on vacation to Miami and forgot to call. Maybe Rosie had a bad dream too, a dream that convinced her of something that didnt happen, or maybe she is in the dark, unable to analyze the pain she caused. Maybe im insane. I dont feel that way. I feel good. I feel Logical. I feel like I can Move on and be productive… Im going to stop hanging on to people that didnt have my back when I needed them the most. I am going to stop being sad about loosing friends that I cant trust. I feel like im on the outside begging to be let into a circle that I one lived in. Fuck it Man. I think I will always wonder, always be a little sad. But its about damn time for me to move on, Its time to get all the way out of this hole…. and soon, outta Louisville.